Two Is Company, Three Is Fun

"Normal people bore me, they are forced to be like that.  They can't find an exit. I found 7 and I am using all of them" - Khanyi Mbau

Out of frustration I wrote on my facebook that I was at my wits end with trying to reach out to my boo. We have been having problems and since I am not the “let's sit down and talk about our feelings” type I turned to Facebook to vent.

It's amazing how therapeutic that can be. It beats having your friends judge you when you open up to them. This way you can share thoughts with strangers who have no hidden agendas so they can be honest in their 'opinions' about what you going through. Anyway, through the comments and messages I exchanged with my cyber friends I had an epiphany.
"Love doesn't hurt" - Oprah
Life is hard enough as it is, the last thing one needs is for LOVE to add on to that. We have heard it before; LOVE is work, you always have to work at it to keep it going. Well guess what? I've had it.

When you meet someone and fall in love with them you inevitably have to invite them into your life. You wouldn't invite a thief into your house to rob you so why then should you be ok with someone that you invited into your life and is now making it deermekaar?

The one thing that we as people forget is the fact that there is always someone else out there ready to replace us. We are such self-centred beings that we invariably assume that just because someone says they love us they can never just walk out and give that love to someone else.

Of course the grass is not always greener on the other side BUT how would you know if you never explored the other side. Our partners sometimes make the mistake of thinking that what they offer is the be all end all of our needs. Only a narcissistic fool would believe that they are the only person in their partner's life worthy of their love.

We all know that the notion that one suddenly gets blind when they are in a relationship is nothing but a farce. We allow our partners to believe this simply because at that time we are both caught up in this euphoria of bliss that new love brings.

Fact is, after a while we get too familiar with our partners and the eye starts to wander. The issue is whether one chooses to act on those urges or not. Even then, when your partner does not act on those urges to explore other avenues you should never think they are whipped.

Everybody in relationships make mistakes. However too many of those mistakes, you will end up alone and jaded wondering where did it all go wrong whilst forgetting that when you had it all and you didn't appreciate it.

Ok, what am I rumbling about?Well a lot of people find themselves in relationships that do not make them happy. With the fear that they will never find that sort of love again they end up being trapped in a web of false hope.

When that start unraveling they start dismissing love as nothing but a ruse. Unfortunately if you never open yourself to the possibility of being in a genuine loving relationship you can never really claim that love does not exist.

I don't believe that people get into relationship hoping to hurt the other person. I think we all have good intention but sometimes things do not work out as we had anticipated.

"... now you wanna trip coz anotha brotha noticed me. If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it" - Beyonce 
I could never say I would never cheat on my boo. That would be a disingenuous thing to say because one can never predict the future. We are not blind just because we are in relationships. You will meet people that you will look at and think “damn that's phine”. 

From there you will make the choice to either act on that or not. Some of us do and some of us don't. Cheating is a very complex thing to dissect. It always depends on the kind of relationship you have with your partner. 

The universal rule is that cheating is defined by a physical act i.e sleeping with someone while you involved with someone else. Now hold that thought …

What happens when the cheating is not physical? I know you probably thinking, what is Phil on about now... Please indulge me for a second.

Let's say you meet someone and they give you more attention that your partner. You feel happy and engaged in their presence. Is that cheating?

Remember, societal rules say your partner should be the one who makes you feel happy and appreciated. When he/she doesn't meet those needs and this other person does can you still say it's innocent especially when you find yourself wishing that the qualities in this person were in your partner.

Then comes this other person. What they bring to the table is exactly what you wish you and your boo could have. You have fun together, nothing sexual or anything like that. You just connect and have a blast in the process.

To someone this would be cheating. Dr Phil says;

 “Cheating is when you do something with someone else that you wouldn't do if your partner was in the room”. 
As long as you both put your cards on the table. There is nothing more disheartening than thinking someone is using you. Let them know that you are involved.

If the flirting is reciprocated then good for you. Again, DO NOT lead them on if you don't intend on taking it beyond the flirting. In Dr Phil's theory what I am suggesting would be considered cheating as there are things that you may end up saying or doing that you wouldn't be comfortable with if your partner was watching.

If you do not get the kind of love that you need in your relationship you will be susceptible to cherishing the sweet moments that someone else brings to your life. It's all good and well to say, talk to your lover and sort out the issues you may be having BUT we all have a limit.

I am worn out trying to understand what's going on with my boo. I have tried and tried to compromise but I'm all out. I have nothing to give anymore, I have ran out of patience.

Now if you are not happy even though you are in love you should atleast 'open the window'. Yes you still love your boo yet love alone is never enough.

You may think this is being selfish but like I stated at the top of this article, we are selfish being. Our happiness and contentment come first. It is not very Mother Theresa-esque of me or anybody to think like that but life is hard enough as it is, the last thing I need is to add on to it with an unhappy relationship.

Dare I say it; would it be wrong to seek that comfort elsewhere? Would I be branded a cheat if I find solence in the company of someone else. As the french would put it; Joie de vivre!! If you can't find joy in life (in this case... relationship), why bother being in one? 

One should try and not just throw in the towel when they are having a rough patch but you can't suppress your happiness forever simply because you don't want to hurt you partner. 

I'm not saying you should be hopping into every Tom, Dick and Thembi (whatever floats your boat) 's bed... YET... but open yourself up to possibilities of something better out there.

Who wants to be riding high
When you'll just crumble
Back on down
You give up everything you are
And even then you don't get far
They make believe that everything
Is exactly what it seems
But at least
When your at your worst
You know how to feel things

See when hard work
Don't pay off
And I'm tired
There ain't no room in my bed
As far as I'm concerned
So wipe that dirty smile off
We won't be making up
I've cried my heart out
And now
I've had enough of love

                    Have An Awesome Weekend.

No comments:

Powered by Blogger.