In Bed With Generations' Couple Senzo And Jason

I caught an episode of Generations today. I do not follow the show much these days so I do not understand what the issue is between Jason and Senzo. All I caught was a scene of them fighting over what seemed like a stupid thing in the gym. Interestingly, while watching the scene I thought of what gay guys in chatrooms are saying about that fight.

Those of you who are a bit behind in the societal evolution that has swept the nation may not know what Top and Bottom means when you referring to gay men. Guess what I am not going to tell, you'll have to use your imaginations.

Anyway, I found myself laughing while watching the fight because I remembered a topic I had with some friends about Jason and Senzo. The gist of it was whether Jason was top or not. It would appear that the general consensus is that Senzo is definitely bottom. Ridiculously, the proof for this absurdity is based on mannerisms. Apparently since Senzo has a more soft nature he qualifies as a bottom than Jason. Of course this to me is madness.

This is my issue with the whole thing...

The world we live in is set in designated roles that one is expected to assume. These societal rules we are expected to adhere to are perceived to be what defines us and our roles thus enabling everybody to know their place in society. 

Boys play soccer, watch action movies, love sex more, etc and the girls are seen to be submissive beings who only do the opposite and have less physical interests than boys. Of course not everybody falls into that but that's generally the norm.

The gay society is just the same but even more complex and ridiculous with these labels and expectations. See, when you are gay, bi or whatever you choose to label yourself as, there is one thing that defines you by society that you can not ignore – what you do in bed. 

Your role in the bedroom will ultimate define your place in gayville. You are never just gay, you are either bottom,versatile,top, vers-top, twink, thug, out, closeted or whatever box they can fit you into.

Even with all that, there is still the issue of perceived expectations within these roles. Just because you are this, you should act like that. Then there are myths that only so called bottom boys love sex and will have it with anyone regardless of who they are.

The top ones are seen to be the 'catch'. The bottom label is worn with a veil of shame while the top label is proudly displayed as something to boast about and marvel at. For, being top is perceived to mean your are more manly and less girly than the bottom ones. With that everybody is top until you get to the bedroom and they start screaming like little tinkerbells.

The so called top guys prance around advertising their topness to all and sundry, all the while hating the fact that though they see themselves as better than the others they are still seen as abominations. 

To compensate for such they bed as many so called bottoms so they can atleast boast about their conquests to their friends with the hope that that will bring them closer to being equated for their straight counterparts. 

That now begs the question; Why would a community that endures so much ridicule and prejudice by the labels that society tags them with want to perpetuate the same thing within itself? The answer, though more complex than this, is very simple. 

Deep down all gay men are ashamed of who they are. Blame it on the world or the time we live in but the undeniable fact is that shame is the bain of a gay man's existence. That is why he aspires to the traits that defines straight men. Juxtapose that to the straight man and the sad reality is that he sees that gay man as an anomalous degenerate of his iconic stature in society.

Gay men struggle with contemporary ideas of masculinity, which themselves are shaped by our social values and our culture. More often than not, men who don’t fit the queenish stereotype remain hidden from view in the gay community. Thus aquiring names like After-9s and Downlows. 

However it's these men who most challenge the notion that being gay necessarily means being un-manly. People are born as individuals and that is no exception among gay men. There's no one size fits all. A bottom guy can be more masculine than a top guy. 

The fallacy in the notion that only noticeably gay guys are bottom is what fuels promiscuity among gays. The so called straight acting guys find themselves not getting what they need in relationship because they pretend to be something they not, then go out and get it elsewhere.

Let's be frank here, the macho aspiration that has become a catalyst for gay idolisation can never resist nor reproduce the straight male domination by virtue of it being contained within a sub culture. Gay masculinity is very subjective. The mere fact that a gay man has to use a term like Straight Acting or Straight Looking makes the absurdity of gay masculinity culture more evident as it proves that the utterer of the words still sees the idea of being perceived as being straight more acceptable than just being gay thus denouncing gayness as a sub standard way of being. 

Yes, you can say that you are not as gay as the next guy sitting next to you just because you don't “look gay” BUT to the straight person on the other side of the room you are both gay and he/she will judge you the same.

Sigmund Freud argued in his analysis of polymorphous perversity that; babies in their infancy experience and gains both heterosexual and homosexual attachments but have to loose one in order to form gender identity as it grows. 

The problem then ensues when the male infant becomes aware of gender roles. His attachment to another male and the loss there of is never acknowledged as society deems any emotional attachment between two males as taboo. 

This would then mean that even without society shunning a gay man for his homosexuality, the rule to never acknowledge an emotional inclination towards another man is entrenched in his psyche. 

 Boys love their fathers just as much as they love their mothers but would never openly acknowledge their love for their fathers just as readily as they would shout it to the world as to how much they love their mothers. Boys will always be Momma's Boys and not Daddy's Boy.

Non effeminate gay men will always have to tread on the fine line between definition and designation. This however has to change. One's manhood should not be defined by what he does in bed. As the black man finally enters the pinnacle of self realisation by shredding the cloak of always being seen as a sub-ordinate to a white man, so too should a gay man. 

A gay man should live in the comfort of knowing that masculinity is not the measure of man. A man is a man by virtue of his character. Suppressing your desires and denying yourself the pleasures of life makes you no more of a man but a coward. Connotating yourself to a heterosexual trait would not make you any less homosexual than the next gay man. 

At the end of the day, whether you are Top, Bottom or Versatile, you are still Gay. You still bare the brunt of hate and shame that every gay man has to endure. 

Yours is a life shrouded by the needs for acceptance and unfortunately denying yourself your needs so that to pass yourself off as some parody of a heterosexual man is only hurting you. 

The bigots in this world do not care whether you top or bottom. To them you are still a fag, moffie, stabane, schuzane, etc... oh and you going to burn in hell.  

With Jason and Senzo, it doesn't really matter who is doing who within their relationship. What matters is that they both love each other and as with every couple what they do in their bedroom is none of our business. Or is it?

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