The Search Continues

As the Destiny's Child ladies sang;
"I've given so much in the past for a love I never had"
Lawd knows I tried but at some point in one's life you gotta look at the facts, admit that you have failed and move on.

I am not perfect by any standards when it comes to dating but I have always tried to be the best boyfriend I can be to the people I date. Sadly all that has amounted to nothing but heartaches and disappointments. With that, yours truly has decided to throw in the towel.

Truth be told I have had my fair share of relationship errors that I committed over the years. For starters, I used to put what other people would think before my feelings about the person. I fell into the trap of wanting to date someone hot so that my friends would be envious.

When I grew out of that silly phase I went into the bank account phase. I had gotten tired of being the one who always paid the bill so I told myself that I am looking for someone who would "take me out" for a change.

Well that didn't work because I ended up feeling like a kept lover instead of an independent guy. Then I went through the "soulmate search" mode. It worked for a while but of course the person I thought was THE ONE did not want to commit to that.

These past few months I have gone through what most people would consider to be a ... err.. serial dating phase. I'm not 22 anymore so naturally my choice in partners has evolved and with it came the daunting reminder that the older I get the harder it will be to find the right person as the pool gets smaller with age.

Some of my friends have accused me of being too picky and guarded. Maybe I am but I find that with true love one should not have to lower his standards just to accommodate love.

Truth is, in time, you will find yourself unhappy with lowering your standards for love. Why would I wanna change for someone else? Shouldn't love be about embracing your partner's flaws and all?

STANDARDS ... see you may think by that I mean economic standards but that's not really the case - atleast in part. Of course I want someone who is driven and wants to be someone in life. I am a big dreamer and I work hard at achieving my dreams so I could never be with someone who just wants to slide by in life with no prospect of being more than what the world tells him he can be.

That would just demoralise me. I need my lover to inspire me and I likewise. My lover should be someone who would be proud of my successes in life and is happy to see me work hard. That's what I would do for my lover. 

SUCCESS ... It would be easy to be with someone who can afford to live a comfortable life. I love exploring new spaces, places and experiences. That comes with a certain level of financial freedom so ideally when you dating someone who has a job it makes life easier.

I wanna be able to eat out, go see a play or take a vacation with my boo. Now, when I say success it doesn't necessarily mean how many zeros one has in their bank account. Success for me is about living comfortably within your means.

It's about overcoming your disadvantages in life and prospering against the odds. That only comes when you are a visionary, when you willing to push the boundaries and aim higher than what is expected from you.

So am I asking for too much out of love? I don't think so.What I do know for sure is that love alone can not sustain a relationship, no matter what the love novels suggest. More importantly though is just wanting someone to be there for you if they claim to love you.

Sadly my current lovers have failed to provide that sort of comfort for me. If it's not the dishonesty, it's the issues with what other people have to say about our relationship, then there is the lack of respect.

RESPECT ... I consider myself a relatively easy going guy. Mostly though, I'm a realist. I understand that within a relationship there will be times when things aren't as rosy as they were in the beginning. When that happens I expect that my lover would respect me enough not to do something that would hurt or humiliate me.

That's not too much to ask. If you gonna cheat atleast have the decency to not do it with my friend or someone who will rub it on my face. Better yet, respect and trust our love enough that you would sit me down and talk to me about things that displeases you about our relationship.

Sadly most people are not willing to do that. They'd rather cheat first and use the problems as an excuse for straying later when they get caught out. 

My reality right now is that after trying and trying and trying to find that special person whom I can share life's ups and downs with, I have hit a brick wall and seem to be in circles. I am done. That's it.

Not all of us can be rich or poor in life so maybe not all of us are meant to find LOVE. That does not   mean that I do not believe in love. I do. I believe some people can find love and make it work. Who knows maybe I too will find it someday again but for now, I'm tired of being hurt.

It gets lonely not having someone to share my good and bad days with but I think my work will help me through this from now on. The future for my career looks bright and maybe that's where I ought to be concentrating my energy on.

The search continues with no expectations and hopefully one can have some little fun in the process. 

Here's to the single life ....


Anonymous said...

ncoo 1 day you will find ur juliet, who is not going 2 break your heart but to love u. good luck

Anonymous said...

I just love your honesty

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