My Trials And Tribulations Of 2012

They say time flies when you having fun but this year has proven that sometimes it just flies even when you not having so much fun. With the exception of the year my mother died this will probably go on as the most difficult year of my life. 

After finishing my matric with no prospect of being able to afford a tertiary education, I came to Johannesburg with a dream. For the past 13 years I have worked very hard to make that dream a reality on my own and for the most part have slowly managed to climb the leader in this industry. 

At the beginning of this year though something amazing happened. It looked like all the hard work was finally paying off. I was in a relationship with someone I was madly in love with, my website has been doing great, I as working for Bonang Matheba, what could have possibly gone wrong.

Little did I know that June 30th my life would take a huge blow. One minute my life seemed to be on the right trajectory to success and bliss and in just one moment it as all gone. 

Having someone you love sabotage your future and career is debilitating. For a while I thought my life was over (be honest it really appeared to be). Without any money, my gadgets and apparels I could not earn a living. It took every speck of hope in me to say to myself that this person I trusted may have cleaned me out but I could not let him steal my future as well. 

With the help of some incredible people in my life I have managed to find the motivation and strength to get back on my feet and fight to have my career and life back on track again. While this incident with my ex has forever changed the way I look at people and allowing them into your life as well as weighing trust, I learned an invaluable lesson about humanity.

I have always been alone. As a child growing up I was never the kid with friends coming to my house to play. As a teenager I didn't fit in with my peers in school because I always knew I was different. As a young adult I struggled to make friends and form relationships because I was scared of loving someone and having them leave me as my mother did when she passed on. 

When you are a reserved child your mother becomes your security and clutch. When she is not there anymore and you have to face the world  you create this all to protect yourself because your clutch isn't there anymore. It helps in terms of pushing you to work hard because you know you have no-one to depend on but it also robs you of the opportunity to just let people in. 

I never thought anyone could care about my life falling apart. I did not think I have friends because quite frankly I never bothered to nurture any friendship because most guys I called friends ended up betraying me. But I was surprised to see people step up to help me out. 

My friend Chris who has been coming over whenever he has time to get me dinner. To Siya who drove to my place after midnight just to bring me his laptop and a home-cooked meal. My new best friend Willem who is quick to send me airtime or any help that I need. 

They say when days are dark friends are few, yes I may have lost some "friends" because I can't pay for their booze bills anymore or take them with me to celebrity parties, but in this gloomy time of my life I have made some incredible friends who have gone beyond my expectations just to help me out with the little that they can. For that I am eternally grateful and will forever remember this anytime I doubt the kindness of humanbeings. 

I have not been active on my website because I honestly have not being working at all. I have not being attending events or reading any press releases that I have been getting simply because my life has been on a stand-still. The last thing you need when you are penniless and heartbroken is to be at a celebrity party pretending to be all happy. I am not good at pretending so I took a break. 

Inevitably I will make mistakes in the future but I learned some big lesson this year that will hopefully reduce the risk of falling into this kind of mess again. It is unfortunate that my approach to relationships will now be marred with some cautionary skepticism which could lead to me missing an opportunity to meet the right person for me because no I have a checklist. 

In conclusion guys. I am ok. I am slowly getting back into my groove. The holidays have always been tough  for me but this year it is going to be specially harder given my circumstances but I am hopeful that come 2013 I will turn the tide. 

I am a big dreamer and while you can try and kill my dreams, you can never kill my will to prove to myself that I can make it nomatter what. That is the motivation that made me leave North West and come to Johannesburg and it will see me through this as well. 

Thank you guys so much for your constant support. Most of you guys have been so encouraging and sweet on Facebook and Twitter whenever I was feeling down and defeated. You guys give me the strength to soldier on even in the most trying of time. I want to make you proud and that keeps me in check whenever I get derailed. 

Thank you a million. 

Special Thanks to:  (For believing in my talents, listening when I needed to talk and for the inspiration)

Bonang Matheba
Percy Pitso
Percy Vilakazi
Sacha Cleland Stokes
Harriet Gavshon

and my rock Mo, you drive me insane with your flaws (you know what they are) but my life became more structured the day you became part of it. Thanks for the smiles... and the frustrations :)  

Lots of LOVE 

Phil Kgopolo Mphela

1 comment:

Nok said...

Hey Phil. It broke my heart to read about your struggles but I was happy to also read that true friendships emerged out of it. I am sure the setbacks were only temporary. Stay strong and never let go of the vision.

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